Wow, differentiating covert narcissism (an incurable personality disorder) from low self-esteem can be challenging because they share some similar traits, such as feelings of insecurity and hypersensitivity to criticism. However, there are key differences:

• Self-Importance: Covert narcissists maintain an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, even if they don’t express it overtly. People with low self-esteem generally have a diminished sense of self-worth. However, a person with low self-esteem does not try to destroy you, spread rumors and lies, stalk, and harass you like a covert narcissist.
• Empathy: Covert narcissists often lack empathy and are primarily focused on their own needs. But beware, a narcissist can learn to fake sympathy and empathy by mimicking people around them.  They are really good at it when people they are trying to scam or impress whoever is watching but look out when you are alone with them.  The mask comes off.  Those with low self-esteem may have empathy for others but struggle with their own self-image.  They will struggle with expressing themselves, but not the covert narcissist.
• Attention Seeking: Covert narcissists crave attention (good or bad) and admiration to validate their self-worth. They will say things like I never thought you would be my friend with a narcissistic stare.  They are trying to suck you into their sick world.  While people with low self-esteem may not actively seek attention and can be genuinely self-deprecating without ulterior motives.  Their motives are not nefarious like the narcissist. Remember, everything the narcissist does is for their own self-preservation, like a parasite. 
• Manipulation: Covert narcissists may manipulate situations or people to their advantage.  Pay close attention to how they handle “no”.  It is a huge red flag when they keep trying to passively aggressively manipulate you.  And when you stand your ground and set boundaries, they get outraged.  They will run to their friends and family and say, “Can you believe what they did…”.  You get the picture, right.  However, people with low self-esteem are less likely to manipulate others and are more prone to being manipulated themselves.
• Relationships: Covert narcissists have difficulty forming genuine, empathetic relationships due to their self-centered nature.  They complain about everyone.  They make them self the victim.  Everyone has done them wrong or is out to get them.  What friendships they have are not the ones they will have once they expose themselves.  But the narcissist is clever.  They don’t come out in public when they cannot control their masquerade.  They make excuses for why they didn’t reply or cannot come to an event.  Typically, their excuses are in the form of how someone else messed them over and they cannot make it, i.e. blame shifting to say face. Those with low self-esteem may have difficulties in relationships due to their lack of self-worth, but they do not typically use or exploit others.
• Mental Health Issues: Covert narcissists have a mental health disorder, AKA: a personality disorder.  Sometimes they have more than one personality disorder.  They may be a sociopath, too.  Most have mood disorders as well, such as bipolarism, depression, etc.  And, they typically self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, working out, and more.  Some even become obsessed over things like learning, meddling in other people’s business, food, and so on.  People with low self-esteem may or may not have a personality or mood disorder. 
• Hypersensitivity to criticism: Both covert narcissists and low self-esteem people are very sensitive to criticism, however, a covert narcissist will flip out and come after you in a covert and evil way.  So, watch your back.

Understanding these distinctions can help in identifying whether someone is exhibiting signs of covert narcissism or struggling with low self-esteem. It’s important to note that a professional evaluation is necessary for an accurate diagnosis, but you most likely will never got one.  The narcissist runs from therapist.  In fact, if you even mention that they see one, they will turn on you. The covert narcissist has a personality disorder that is not curable, which some with low-self-esteem can get help and improve how they see themselves.  The person with low self-esteem is not out to sabotage your life, but they may say hurtful things because they are so jealous that you are normal, and they are not.  Always keep your guard up because you don’t know who or what you are really dealing with.  Enter relationships slowly and set boundaries.  Don’t let only one cross your boundaries.  If they try, that is a red flag, so take note.

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