Take The Key And Lock Her Up?

To “Lock her up” can mean many things to many people, but where there is an abusive relationship, it has two different meanings.

First, Abusers want to “lock up” their partners to avoid the truth being exposed to the public.  Abusers lie to their friends, family, co-works, and even their priest about their relationships.  The Abuser usually has at least 2 stories which they adapt to the situation and who they are speaking with.  The Abuser will tell the people they are trying to impress, like their boss and clients, and so on, how wonderful their partner is.  The Abuser will play up their partner’s attributes and brag about their positive qualities to impress and to make themselves look good.  But often to their close friends and family, they speak negatively about their partner.  The Abuser will even go as far as flat out lying.  The lying tactic is to prepare the family and friends for the lack of bringing their partner around and/or the inevitable break up.  The Abuser has been through this phase before, so they readying their friends and family.  You see, if the friends and family already hate their partner, they will side with the Abuser when the Abuser tells stories about the relationship.  Basically, this tactic is to align the Abuser’s allies for the battle that awaits.

Second, the “locking up” by the Abuser helps to conceal the truth about the abuse that the partner is regularly dealing with.  The Abuser does not want their friends, family, co-workers, priest, etc. to know the truth about their behavior, like their belittling, insulting, name calling, controlling of finances and sex, and especially the physical violence that the Abuser is doing behind closed doors.  The Abuser has to appear perfect in the publics eyes.  The Abuser has to have control over everything to avoid the truth from being leaked.  The victims of the abuse may start talking to their friends, family, co-workers, priest, etc., so the Abuser locks up their spouse and children to avoid exposure, breaking up, and maybe even jail.

Finally, Abusers use alienation to maintain control over the partner and the children.  Being locked in a cage of abuse is a domestic form of terror.  And, when that abuse turns violent, it is dangerous and illegal.  Unfortunately, for your safety, you must get out.  Leaving abuse starts with acknowledging that you are being abused.  Once you realize what is happening to you and your children, you need to reconnect with your support group, i.e., friends, family, co-workers, priest, etc.  With caution, plan your escape.  Make sure you have some money put away and emergency supplies in the event you have to leave quickly.

Don’t let the key be to keep you trapped, let it be the key that sets you free.


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